Indianapolis, Feb. 16 – In a stirring announcement from the state’s capital, a joint session of the Indiana legislature announced today what many Hoosiers have long believed – that the earth is flat, and the sun revolves around the earth.
“We initially hoped this would bring us up to the Middle Ages,” a Senate spokesman said, “but actually we think it puts us on par with the Catholic Church in the early 17th century, when it insisted Galileo was wrong. We’re proud of this progress on behalf of the people of Indiana.”
In related actions during a busy legislative session, yesterday the Indiana House voted 70-26 to pass a constitutional ban on gay marriage. The Senate has approved such a ban four times in the last six years.
Also, a special joint committee on unemployment appropriated $250,000 for the Tooth Fairy Consulting firm to look into problems of joblessness in Indiana. And the Committee on Legislative Retribution has come up with a new slogan, “Capital punishment is good for you.”